


Under The Skin

by poetdameron



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Ryan, Demon Sex, Demon Shane Madej, Enthusiastic Consent, Existential Angst, Fluff, God and Lucifer are lowkey a thing and I'm going to hell, God is nonbinary af and Lucifer calls them pet names, Happy Ending, Implied Switching, M/M, Marking, Masturbation, Non-Linear Narrative, Rimming, Rough Sex, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Top Shane, shyanexchange2k18, shyanwritingevents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 19:13:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15892326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: Something is missing.Ryan wakes up back in 2014 and feels like if something is not-there in this new Shaneless world.





	Under The Skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wheezefeeds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheezefeeds/gifts).



> Hello, everyone. I was lucky to get a very interesting prompt, a soul mate and demon Shane AU. I never wrote Demon Shane before, so this was a great opportunity and I had a lot of fun building this fic. I really hope you like it.
> 
> Especial thanks to wheezefeeds for the great prompt and I'm sorry for the late upload. I still hope you enjoy these 13k words of feelings (and good sex), and that you enjoyed this Exchange. I sure did. And also, big thanks to [sabotaging-ivy](http://sabotaging-ivy.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for betaing this thing! You are the best, mana.
> 
> A few notes before starting:  
> \- God is non-binary being in here, and yes-- I implied they may have a thing with Lucifer.  
> \- Yes, I'm going to hell.  
> \- The episodes mentioned in the fic are just the Sallie House, Bobby Mackie's, Goatman and their trip to London.  
> \- The song is the beaitiful [Pulaski at Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oecHq2neweA) by Andrew Bird, one of my favorite songs and a song I always put on my Shane related playlists, lol.  
> \- "Demonio encantador" means "Charming Demon", Ryan talks a little spanish in here. Just that phrase, though.
> 
> If you have tumblr and you liked this, please support me by reblogging the [original post](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/177958437472/under-the-skin-shyan)!

At first, he thought it didn’t matter.

His parents taught him his worth came from what he did and it showed who he was, never because of a mark and what destiny held for him. He made his own path, and Ryan Bergara grew up with this in mind until he was a teenager and everyone at school started to hang out together to show each other’s marks and speculate what they could mean.

There were no three people with the same mark, or tattoo, whatever you wanted to call it—soulmates were supposed to once be the same being, separated by some severe God that didn’t forgive, condemned to walk the Earth searching for each other with their only clue: the scar their separation left, identical in each, somehow always finding each other.

Bullshit.

It had to be bullshit, Ryan used to tell himself when people would look at him, up and down and then smile with that stupid spark of pity in their eyes, to then said—“you’ll find somebody great”. His fucking ass, he didn’t—he didn’t need any of that.

With hard swallows and steps of his own, Ryan remembered every kind word from his parents and didn’t let his markless situation define who he was, no matter what.

So yeah. Maybe one day he’ll find somebody great, and it was going to be someone who truly loved him for who he was and he would love them back—no cosmic lover preassigned, no legends of cruel Gods, no destiny.

Just them.

I would be so good. It will be so good.

**Under The Skin**

**2017, Kentucky**

When he woke up in this new world, shit had changed from the last time he had been here and he wondered if the guys down there were conscious enough of this new technique of making him live like a human since birth—a family of demons, all with different missions, living together under the same name like any other human union. Weird, but also oddly effective when it came to blend it.

Or so Shane thought, the true was that he was just, like—having fun, at this point.

He had walked this Earth for so long, for so many different times. Encountering humanity within himself was something that had stopped bothering him by now and he just enjoyed it as best he could, sending back to hell every bug on his list and the occasional dusted spirit.

Which is why, Unsolved had been such a good idea. BuzzFeed in general, with its greedy owners and actionists, their stupid as fuck people coming in and out, dreaming of the sunny Los Angeles filled with dreams and—God All Mighty or whatever They wanted to be called now, it was so funny.

Then, the marks. That brand Them had put on Their creations, just to remember where each point was, turned attraction for similar hearts and minds, something interesting to watch. Two people assigned to the same Guardian, two people who may or not may find each other and connect. Who knows at this point, but it’s a good thing the humans had started to notice that it didn’t truly affect—You chose who you chose. Free will. Whatever. Another bet between Lu and Them.

Aaaaand then, Ryan Bergara.

Ryan was always scared.

He loved to admit that was the first reason why he felt so compelled to follow him around ever since Shane first saw him on his first day at BuzzFeed. The human had presented himself to him, big toothy grin as he offered his hand, and Shane had shaken it to feel that bright soul burning his spirit for the first time.

Being attracted to a single human soul was something so common nowadays, Shane knew it would never be an obstacle for him until it was.

“Have I ever told you about it?” Ryan asked at his side, his voice muffle on his clothed shoulder as Shane looked up at the TV, the lights on it casting strange and pleasing forms on Ryan’s face.

“What?” He answered, voice so low it didn’t sound like him, whatever him was now.

“My mark.”

With a raised eyebrow, Shane looked at the sleepy man leaning on his shoulder and wondered, not for the first time, if Ryan would ever stop to amaze him.

He was a unique human, has always been. From the bright of his soul to the soothing of his aura, the soft radiance of his smile and the way he protected his stupid soulmate mark like if it was really something that holy, something that could be so life changing.

Shane never voiced his opinion on the mark. Monsters are always hungry, they have shadows and cold mornings with the darkest nights and no marks. It wasn’t worth the bother, to say his opinion on the devil and God’s bet.

Humans who were born like Ryan had been, no Marks appearing on their skin after seventh years of life, used to be looked down at. Some of them still did, people like—people like Ryan, like Jen and Quinta.

It was ridiculous, humans always were.

But him, even if he had been human, people who’d pity him and nothing else. He’d get words like, it’s not the end of the world and you’ll find somebody great, shit like that. So, not in the mood for human bullshit, Shane had decided to present himself as someone who doesn’t care for it, therefore never talks about his mark and everyone else, everyone else just assumed he had one.

“I know it appeared recently. Are you worried about that?”

It means his soulmate is a fucking kid. It’s sickening and God must hate Ryan. The image makes Shane smile, he’s thankful Ryan has his eyes closed. It’s just that God, They are just so funny, he doesn’t think They hate Ryan—he knows it’s something else, just doesn’t know What it could be.

“I’m always worried about that.” He answered. “But you know, I thought—I thought it could be you.”

Shane snorts. “What the hell? Why?” Ryan laughed at his side, he was falling asleep and soon Shane was to be left to his own thoughts. “Ryan, demons don’t have soulmates.”

Which is true. Ryan opened his eyes.

* * *

 

**2014, Los Angeles**

When he woke up, there was something missing.

Maybe it was just the rainy day, gray skies that don’t look like movies where the melancholy and sadness is so fashionable, you want it even if it hurts.

Being this confused wasn’t cute or aesthetically pleasing. Ryan spend the entire day like this, looking at corners he’s sure he had been at before but he actually hasn’t, not entirely sure why he thought it was—the future.

  1. He’s been at BuzzFeed for six months now. He has no mark of his own, it has never been a problem, so why…



“Ryan”, his manager called.

Ryan looked up at the woman, nodding as she told him of a new video he was going to shoot now.

He didn’t have a mark, he has never had one. His brain kept yelling that he did, and why so? Why would it—it has never been a problem, it now felt like one. Yet, he had the shadow sensation of having one on his right hip—a circle. Wings.

A thing that had morphed from a brown stain into a tattoo-looking scar people in time had called the destined one mark, a guide that would show him someday who his soul mate was, someone with the same mark as him.

It was that day I the 2014 but it hadn’t been like this, even if it rained like there was no tomorrow. He had woken up tried to find something on his hip where that strange stain had been growing for months since he first started his internship.

He thought it a stretch mark at first, saw it slowly morphed into something else as the months passed, and by the time he realized that was no bug bite or stretch mark, he had been an intern in BuzzFeed for six months and had a strange mark in the form of a circle with—an X? Wings? What the fuck was that—

Ryan _had_ a mark.

“Ryan?” Claudia murmured, people around him had stopped talking and they, they were looking at him.

The man looked up at her, his fingers softly searching for something on his right hip and salt—salt on his face.

“Ryan, honey, what’s wrong?”

“No—nothing.” He said, finally noticing the tears going down his face. “Can I just…?”

“Sure… Are you sure you are okay?” She insisted.

But Ryan only nodded, standing quickly to the bathroom. Unsure of why he was crying. It just felt right—because. Because.

Something was missing.

* * *

**2016, Kansas**

“Shane?”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Too bad, I can. Goodnight.”

Shane could count the seconds it took Ryan to talk again. If this was going to be their dynamic in these places, Shane was sure to get a headache near this man every time.

He had always liked Ryan. His soul is bright, it starts something in him, makes him want to be near like a moth to a lamp, and so he followed him to this bullshit show. It gave him such chances, too. Places to visit and souls to devour, something different he hasn’t had the chance to do in centuries.

Shane has been around for so long, this lifetime feels like dying.

It does with what he’s done now that he doesn’t remember enjoying before, how much he has warned up to this new body he was given and the people he was assigned to. His family were all pieces of different places from Hell and other shadows that got a name just now, they should had known something would change from becoming close to human but never one.

Living a common life with food and commodities, things to earn—he had a name once. He doesn’t remember if he had a Mark, but he had a name so long ago.

“Shane.”

It’s not the one, but he has gotten used to it. Will still look if called his Demon name but this one…

“What do you want?”

This one had meaning now.

“How can you not be scared here?”

“’Cause the only asshole here is you. Go to sleep, Ryan.”

“Shane!” He heard him move on his sleeping bag, probably turning to watch him. “You’re—“

“Okay.” Shane sighed, moving to face him while dragging his sleeping gear closer to Ryan’s. “Come on, don’t make it weird. Just move.”

“What?”

They were already close, and as Shane got closer, he could feel the eyes of the demon infesting this house on his back. Ignoring it, Shane made sure their sleeping bags were as closer as possible. Having a human body made every necessity his and sleeping, ever since his conscience was clear on this body, was probably his favorite human thing to do.

“Lay down.” He commanded, putting his hand in the small space between their heads, hoping Ryan would understand to meet it in the middle with his. “Gimme.”

“What?”

“Don’t make it weird.” He hissed again, Ryan laid down on his sleeping bag and faced him. “It’s okay, listen—Whatever you see in the dark, it’s not there. Remember what I said earlier? I’m on your side, alright. Even if something happens, we’ll face it together. Just try to sleep.”

Ryan’s hand was warm and sweaty, Shane had to swallow to not react to the force of his fear. He was truly terrified and Shane felt stupid for not realizing before. He had been so distracted by the kid following them around, he hadn’t noticed how much Ryan’s energy was calling everyone and their dog’s attention.

So he squeezed his hand softly, stealing that fear as much as he could without letting Ryan know that something was happening. It was subtle thing he was starting to enjoy, stealing fear from Ryan, feeding his own shadow to keep up appearances and accompany him on these journeys. He could live off of this, he could enjoy it.

He blinked. “You are safe, kid.”

Ryan smiled softly. “You are such an old man.” And Shane sighed, mentally slapping himself for letting that one go. “I—“

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s something silly.”

“As many of the things you said and do, Ryan.” The man frowned, trying to take away his hand, so Shane grabbed it firm. “Hey, don’t. Let me finish.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “It always brings us great things, isn’t it? Like almost getting eaten by spiders and laughing about it.”

“Dude…”

“It was a good experience; you know? Disgusting, but it was fun.”

Ryan smiled slightly at him, Shane took it as a win. If the human kept his fear this high, they would had been in troubled. The kid in the house blinked at them lying like this in the ground, Shane had to look at it for the demon to go, mind its own business.

“So tell me the silly, Ryan.”

But he said nothing, the man had closed his eyes and started to breathe even. Shane knew he wasn’t sleeping but let it to it. There were many ways he could take whatever thought Ryan has ever had, if he wanted—but maybe that was the difference between him and the trash he’s meant to send back to Hell from time to time.

“I was just wondering if you have a mark.” Ryan murmured after a while. “I’ve never heard you even mentioning it.”

“A mark?” He wondered out loud, remembering what the human meant just when the words left his mouth. “Oh, yeah. No, I don’t.”

“No?” He opened his eyes, looking at him curiously, his fingers slowly moving on his hand. Shane let him rearrange their hold as he wanted. “I—I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Shane frowned, humans were funny. Always making a big deal out of nothing like destiny and cosmic pre-assigned lovers. “Demons don’t have soul mates.”

Ryan snorted loudly, his fingers laced with Shane’s. The demon smiled, bathing on that sound and the warmness this body had learned to identify as liking someone.

Physical contact and relationships in this body felt good, he likes sensations as much as any other ancient being walking Earth would—then it’s Ryan, and all the things he makes him remember and feel. It’s a good kind of reminder and a good kind of sensation, nostalgia and warmth.

Good things.

* * *

**2017, Texas**

“I know what you are.” Ryan said, his hands were trembling as he held the flashlight in site.

Shane moved slowly to look at him, frown so deep he almost looked offended. But at this point, Ryan was proud to say—he knew him. He knows Shane probably better than anybody else, like family, like something more than family.

He knows what he is. Has known for a while, tried to forget it, get away, pretend it wasn’t happening.

But now here in the woods, TJ and the others giggling like children around the truck as they stayed behind to look at the stars on their brand new bridge—Ryan had to say it.

“What do you mean?” Shane answered, pretending he had no clue.

Ryan sighed deeply and braced himself for whatever may come. “I know you aren’t human.”

That seemed to get the right reaction, Shane tensed immediately and looked back where the crew was and Ryan moved two steps away. He was, he was sure Shane wouldn’t hurt him. He didn’t know why, but Shane wouldn’t—he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him on purpose, and maybe he was taking advantage of that by putting his cards on the table.

“Its o—I don’t—“ Ryan tried.

Shane was walking to him, hand slowly going up and Ryan knew—he knew he was not to hurt him but something else was in danger. This moment, the memory of what he knows, all his process to accept it. He gave another two steps back.

“Shane, it’s okay.” He said, but that didn’t stop the man in front of him. “I mean it, I don’t mind it, I—I’m fine with that.”

It stopped, whatever Shane was doing stopped and Ryan smiled softly at him but his friend still looked like if he was about to kill a man. He seemed deep in thought when Devon yelled for them to come back and finally get some rest.

Shane seemed to have short circuited, it looked adorable on him. Whatever he was—whatever kind he was, whatever he was doing here, Ryan knew he was safe. He laughed, making Shane snap back to reality, looking directly at him with a million questions on his face.

It should be the other way around, Ryan supposed. And he should be scared. Pissed off. So many things he should be—like a doctor, and a basketball player, and an astronaut, and Indiana Jones. But this, he put his hand in the middle of Shane’s chest after making sure nobody was looking, except for Shane looking down at him, still with the words trapped in his throat.

“I mean, just—what are you exactly?” He murmured.

Shane’s big hand landed on his side, slowly got down until it nested on his waist. Ryan followed his gaze back to Shane’s face and smiled. He blinked, the confusion on his face was glowing almost innocence, and Shane sighed.

“I’m a demon.” He murmured and if they hadn’t been this close, Ryan wouldn’t have heard him.

Or he wouldn’t want to.

The crew was already in their truck, TJ sounded the car’s horn at them and Ryan wondered if they thought something else. How would it look like seeing from outside? Shane with his hand on his waist, Ryan with his on his chest and hip, it probably looked like what they joked all the time—that they would end up together, _married_.

Ryan looked up at Shane and swallowed.

He knew. Somehow he knew, maybe always. It came to him, the intense way Shane looked at him that first day, the strange shit he said, “kid”, so much more. All those oddities he always thought normal because it was Shane, that’s normal for Shane.

Guess this is also normal for Shane.

“Is this like…” Ryan swallowed again, a shiver going up his spine and Shane tensed. “Is this your body?”

“Yes.” His hand went away from his body and Ryan missed his touch. “My family, Scott—they are, too. We are supposed to whisper, you know. And… take energy, put it down. Like yours.”

Ryan frowned, searching for Shane’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You are afraid all the time, is so easy—“ He groaned in frustration and walked away, Ryan stood where he was, just the light of their still open and now filled with mosquitos, truck illuminating the scene. “I don’t feed on it or anything, I wouldn’t do that—I just take some of it, send the vibes down. Like angels send jubilee back up. It balances… doesn’t matter.”

“Your work sounds boring.”

Shane chuckle, looking at him directly. “It is. Yes.”

Alright. This was a good start.

* * *

**2017, Kentucky**

Whatever this is, it’s not good.

Shane arched an eyebrow, looking as Ryan laughed at something the owner’s son had told him. The woman was full of shit, nothing but a couple of sad spirits lived in this place, and they were wasting time pretending there’s some demon living in a hole.

The other guy put a hand on Ryan’s shoulders and Shane’s fingers on his left arm started to tap something that sounded like murder. To anyone else looking, he would seem like just a guy being jealous.

But he hasn’t feel anything of the likes since—well, he doesn’t remember.

“Okay, we are up to go.” TJ announced behind him, Shane looked back to find the man, Mark and Devon ready for their shoot.

Shane sighed and marched forward, ready to snap Ryan back to reality and back to him when he noticed something else in whatever Ryan and the other dude were talking. The guy was showing Ryan something on his wrist, Ryan looking at it with interest; he could tell so for the way his eyebrows were meeting in the middle of his face.

A mark.

“Oh, shit. You think it may be?” Devon said to them.

Mark shook his head. “What explanation would there be? The Universe forgot to put their marks?”

“So you think Nice Guy Number 316 is trying to pull a Soul-Mate-Mark-Instant-Crush on Ryan?” TJ asked, Shane’s fingers on his arms hurt the fragile skin of his human body as he listened and got closer to his friend.

“Probably.”

Ryan smiled polite to the guy and shook his head, the man looked disappointed but Ryan didn’t seem to mind, he kind of looked relieved. He smelled of fear already. Shane walked faster, hand slowly going out his body to find Ryan’s shoulder and call his attention, a grin already on his lips.

“Ready, Little Guy?” And Ryan nodded. “Hey, man.” Shane acknowledged the other guy like if it was nothing and he hadn’t been thinking red five seconds ago and right now.

“Hey!” He said, that familiar tingle of disappointment and jealousy making Shane’s human pressure feel pleasurable. “You guys gonna solve the mystery of mom’s garbage place?”

Asshole, Shane nodded. Ryan tensed a little under his arm and sighed. He had a talent for calling attention of trash dudes, Shane wondered if he was included on that.

Wait.

Shane reprimanded himself. His energy and soul fixations often translated into affairs that died down fast, but his friendship with Ryan was different. It was genuine, had started because he had a mission, but he—he really thought him his friend. He couldn’t allow himself think of him as anything but his friend and co-worker, partner in crime.

Partner. Shane shook his head, he was going crazy.

“No garbage, just fun.” Shane answered, goofy expression facing the guy as his arm discretely took Ryan away with him. “We are getting some ghouls. Right, Ry?”

Ryan chuckle, but said yes and they walked away together. Whatever had made Ryan trust so much in him and see him like a real person, a friend—he hopped it will never die.

He kept thinking of that as they walked around, dust and the smell of humidity making them shiver and just, yikes. The hole, though. There was something lurking in it, but no demon—only him. Scaring Ryan on purpose had been just fun, it had been funnier to get out of here and sleep in the same hotel room.

Shane looked at Ryan as he seemed to be searching for something on his face, the demon wondered if he would ever fin it, whatever it is. If he wanted to navigate Shane closer, he couldn’t mind it—

Fuck. Fuck that, he couldn’t be thinking like this, not now when they are sharing a fucking room.

“You say that kind of shit a lot.” Ryan commented, yawning and looking gorgeous even doing something so simple. “You compare yourself to demons and other cryptids all the time. People will think you really are a supernatural being.”

“Of course, Ryan. I’m product of yours and our viewers’ collective imagination.”

“Shut up.” He wheezed, making Shane smile softly.

Ryan stood, getting himself ready to sleep and Shane turned off the TV, walking to his own suitcase to put on his pants and long sleeping shirt. It was so oddly domestic, he wondered if Ryan has ever noticed, what he thought of it.

He knew Ryan liked man. He liked them even more, or craved dick, whatever, while drunk. But in the intimacy of their travels, Shane had learned a few things about the man and Seven Hells, he was—he could be such a love affair, a story to tell.

Yet there was something… the origin of his mark. It stopped him every time, what it meant to Ryan, how much he could take with just one movement of his fingers and how much he didn’t want to do it, how much he wanted to respect the human even when he had been the worse, the best, a martyr, a saint and a king sometimes before.

To Ryan he was just Shane. They were friends. Risking hurting him forever wasn’t really something Shane wanted.

When had he become such human? He chuckle at the idea, calling Ryan’s attention.

“What?”

“Nothing important.” Shane sighed, walking to the bed. “Don’t you ever catch yourself thinking shit you would look down someone for before?”

Ryan frowned. “I don’t think so? What do you mean?”

“Well,” Shane thought of an example, knowing college was something Ryan had fresh in his head. “When you were a frat, didn’t you suppressed your own feelings?”

The man stopped moving, he stared at nothing for a few seconds and then nodded. Shane took this as a sign to keep going.

“So, before you would think bad of yourself sharing a bed with another guy. You don’t know.”

Ryan looked between them, their bed with the pillows making a wall to keep each to their side. So stupid and embarrassing, his cheeks went pink and Shane smiled, getting into the bed without missing a movement of his friend.

“Ry?”

“I’m not… I don’t think this can be taken as progress.” Ryan signaled the wall of pillows and Shane smiled.

“It’s progress!” He said, getting into bed and waiting for Ryan to come in so he could turn off the light. “Besides, you have recognized your flaw. You just have to work harder to make it better.”

“Shut up, Shane.” He murmured, laying on the bed with his back to Shane.

Ryan’s sadness smelled weird, or maybe Shane had just gotten used to the fact that he hated that smell. The glow that came from his soul seemed smaller at these moments, it was the perfect opportunity to either offer a contract or just take a place at that soul.

His Father had questioned him once, about why he never took the souls of the people he often got involved with. It was a fair question, they didn’t have written rules but it was known—what idiot doesn’t take the selfish chance of getting your obsession to spend an eternity within you?

Shane turned off the light, looking at ceiling as he remembered the faces of the ones he felt with him through the centuries. Ryan moved beside him, none of them had spoken a word after and it didn’t felt like it was necessary. But the man moved, he got to his side facing Shane and removed the pillow between their faces, throwing it to the ground.

“Goodnight.” He murmured against his own pillow, face hidden from Shane’s eyes.

If Ryan had known how easy Shane could see in the dark, he may have never gotten that pillow removed. Shane smiled, taking the other pillow that separated their bodies and put an arm behind his head.

“Goodnight, Ry.”

A long time ago, when he could fly, Them told him humans often redo Their creations and one of those had been angels. They were no longer fighters, massagers or whatever Them needed them to be. They were bright souls, kind hearts, dreamy eyes. Sunshine people.

Ryan got somehow closer to him, fingers slowly touching the material of his sleeping shirt and Shane sighed, thinking of the faces of those he thinks he may have loved before, whatever that was—Them told him once that the only way to become more was to feel and be felt. He never understood that until he put a foot on the Human world.

Slowly, he put his free hand over Ryan’s, letting him rest his in the middle of his chest. The man breathe in deeply, Shane did as he did—whatever this was, it wasn’t be bad. He let out of all the air on his lungs and laced his fingers with Ryan’s.

It couldn’t be bad.

* * *

**2014, Los Angeles**

He woke up sweating, not sure of where he was but knowing something was wrong.

There was only silence in Ryan’s apartment and there was night, the darkness of his room straddled him until he breathed in and out, slowly regaining himself until he remembered the hell of a day he had—crying in front of everyone he was hoping to work with, not even knowing why he was crying.

Just like he wasn’t sure why he had woke up at—he looked at his nightstand clock—almost two in the freakin’ ass of the morning.

Ryan sighed, standing up to get into the bathroom.

He had the sensation of cuddling with someone, he has had the feeling of being—like he had forgot something, like when he forgot in fourth grade that he had a girlfriend and was his job to have lunch with her at school.

It was a ridiculous way of thinking, he realized as he cleaned his hands after peeing, but he couldn’t help it. Someone lurking his mind, crushing his heart with their absent. He almost called his mother, asked if maybe—could it be that he didn’t had a mark?

People used to say they could feel ill for it, longing having someone for their loneliness had created a void in their health. But most people who reported this were elders, Ryan has never heard of someone has young as him with this pain ghost.

Looking at himself in the mirror he wondered what made him deserve being unmarked and why he was suddenly feeling so bad about it. He’s been convinced his markless situation meant nothing.

He still is Ryan Steven Bergara, he still is a hardworking man, a person who tries his best, who tries to be kind and fair, who likes to have fun and have millions of friends, could date freely, and could be happy while chasing all his dreams.

He never needed a mark to feel complete and now… something was _missing_.

Touching the place where he had sworn he had a mark this morning, Ryan tried to find proof that it had been there.

Many people got their mark removed… and his thoughts were going anywhere with this. What? Someone would remove his mark as he slept? How? Why? It was stupid, he was being stupid. He has never had one nor has ever need it, he kept repeating this to shut up his own head, his throbbing heart and about-to-cry eyes.

Sighing, Ryan moved back to his room but went out, going to the kitchen for some water, and in the living room, another strange thing happened—He saw a memory of someone he didn’t knew, some lanky and tall guy walking in boxers and a simple t-shirt around the same place he was standing now, boll of popcorn in hands, looking back as Ryan approached him in his I’m-sick-pants and a sweater that was definitely not his.

He frowned, walking to the kitchen and standing in the entrance, another memory popping up of that same guy cooking while humming some song he didn’t knew. Ryan walked ahead, opening a cabinet to get a glass while he kept thinking of that memory and that song, he filled the glass with water and sighed, taking a sip.

Violin, something melancholic yet somehow happy, not his kind of music— _Half empty, half full, we’re starting over_. Ryan frowned again. What song was that? How did he know it? From where had he taken it?

Ryan realized he could spend the entire night staring at nothing, just a sip of water taken. He left the glass in the counter and walked back to his room, convincing himself that he needed to sleep.

But the humming of that man haunted his mind, the sound of that violin and soft music, _it says Pulaski at night. Greetings from_ — “Chicago, city of light…” His voice sounded dry, it cut at the end. “Get back to Chicago…”

Somewhere in his lonely apartment, his grandma’s clock was ticking and the city lights made lines in the wall next to Ryan. She hadn’t had a mark, but had married the love of her life, had been so happy, before and after marrying his grandfather. He got that clock when she went and he liked to think she had reunited with his grandpa.

Ryan took a deep breathe, tears going down his face again. The confusion slowly faded, more memories pocking in, like slowly storing his head after a long pause.

He breathed out, wanting to say a name he couldn’t remember. Ryan frowned, the tears clogging his sight and deeply hurt sobs leaving his lips. Why was he crying so much, so hard? How had his life become this?

* * *

**2018, Los Angeles**

Them were probably enjoying this, They always did or so Shane caught every time he catched up with Them after staying in the Human Real for a while. Them, as omnipresent as Them were, were still curious of all things and loved to observe, conduct experiments that may not make sense in humanity, may not be entirely human.

But none of them were at the end. He could feel so much, could hate and kill, could love and create if he wanted to—but sympathy, that capacity of feeling what another is going through, tenderness and desire to help, all so human and Ryan. Shane wasn’t all that sure he understood it in the level Ryan did.

Yes, it was upsetting some shit the humans pulled but certain others—the bet between Lucifer and Them of so many years ago, if humans would truly commit to their free will and go libertine, or would they find balance? He found it so funny, had wanted to see it front sit and all.

If Ryan were to know about this, about how Them actually was, that the marks were noting but another silly ongoing bet, _Can humans find their other half?_ Lu said no, Them said yes. It was ridiculous, and Shane had loved it all.

Demons don’t have soulmates, he reminded himself as he watched Ryan sleep, many months after his brave confrontation.

He didn’t see this coming, didn’t see Ryan coming into his life.

Shane should had known that Ryan would find out by himself. The man was so clever, had an imagination and clarity of mind nobody else seemed to have, only eclipsed by his self-doubts and anxieties. But he was a genius, such a genuine human being.

With the tip of his fingers, Shane traced the muscles of Ryan’s arms and, not for the first time, Shane felt like losing his mind on Ryan’s body, those lips so full and red, calling him like a prayer, like begging to be taken.

“Good morning.” The man murmured, he moved closer to Shane and the demon swallowed. “Where you planning on only watch me sleep? That’s creepy.”

“I’ll show you creepy.”

Ryan’s eyes snapped open, looking at Shane’s face with something akin to horror. He smirked, shaking his head as Ryan snorted and laughed at his side. That was the best sound to wake up to.

“I—I would like to, though.” Ryan said, sighing as he sat on the bed, looking down at Shane. “I guess this is not how you look… down there… at, uhm, home. Right?”

He nodded. “I don’t truly have a form, Ryan. I lost my face centuries ago.”

The man frowned, his eyes genuinely scared now. “What? What—what does that mean?”

“Calm down, sweetheart.” He sighed, freezing for a second at his own stupidity. He looked slightly at Ryan and found him staring at his fingers, cheeks pink. Well. “Most oldies like me have lost their names and faces, it’s no big deal—I’m mostly a shadow on chill days. My other form isn’t so monstrous as you may think.”

“No?”

“I’m a demon, Ryan. I’m supposed to tempt and seduce to the dark side.” He smiled, winking at the man. “Demons are actually beautiful. Our deformity comes in other things.”

He stayed silent, slowly going down again to lay at his side, not touching. Ryan blinked and swallowed.

“Show me?”

“It’s—“ Shane bit his bottom lip. “It’s not a big deal, just some old scars that don’t matter.”

“It looks like it matters to you.”

Shane hesitated for a second. This sexual relationship was slowly and surely becoming something else, and this was his moment to stop it. So,

“You are gonna get me in trouble one day, Bergara.”

He didn’t.

Instead he removed his shirt, giving his back to Ryan and allowing his real form to show, leaving the human face he’s been using for two centuries. He felt Ryan’s little surprised jump before hearing it, the bed moving under him as he got closer to Shane’s back.

“What—what are these for?” His fingers hovered over them and Shane sighed. “Can I touch?”

“It doesn’t hurt if that’s what worries you.” He answered, looking at the black of his nails and wondering how Ryan would react to see his black and amber eyes, or the fangs—or the plenty of teeth behind the human ones. “It’s…” He sighed again. It’s been years since he hesitated about this, Shane frowned. “It’s where my wings used to be.”

Ryan said nothing, only traced one of the scars with a finger, slowly palmed the skin with his whole hand and sighed. He kept exploring the puckered skin, the deep line that reminded Shane of a lost war he wasn’t sure anymore if it had been fair or if his ideals were correct, if he thought like that today.

Slowly, he found bone and hardened flesh. Shane jumped a little, the sensation of Ryan’s soft caresses giving his still human-sensitive body shivers. And then, lips… slowly going up over the scar on his left, the worse one. Fingers touching softly at his waist, a tender tongue caressing the right scar and another kiss.

“What are you doing?” Shane asked, not sure if it was to Ryan or something else.

“Uhm,” He sounded funny, probably debating between being smooth and romantic, or being awkward and apologizing. “I’m sorry, I just—“

“Ryan?” He moved, wanting to face this goddamn shining collection of everything good in this world, but he stopped, unsure of his eyes and the rest of him. “I’m sorry.” He murmured, finally facing him.

Ryan’s breathe cut, his eyes looked right into Shane’s for a second and then went to any other part of his body. To the black of his nails, the fangs that peeked through his lips, the hardened muscles, the rest of the scars—and then back to his face, to the black of his eyes with the amber pupil.

The man’s hands moved to his face, gently cradling it and opening his mouth with his thumbs, probably wanting to confirm the fangs he has seen already, so Shane got ready for the whimp—there it was.

“Holy shit…” Ryan sounded surprised, sure as hell scared, but he didn’t move, didn’t leave or jumped too far away. “That’s, that’s a lot of, uhm—teeth.”

“I know it’s not pretty.”

“It’s a nightmare.” He said, Shane’s shoulders felt heavy. “Kiss me.”

Shane frowned, looking at him with what he hoped was an incredulous expression that would let Ryan known he was judging him.

“Oh, come on.” Ryan replied with a smirk. “You don’t think I’m gonna let this past? I wanna know. Please.”

Swallowing, Shane moved forward, taking Ryan’s happily open mouth to kiss him tight. Ryan’s mouth tasted like sex, just the night before having swallowed him whole and made lick Shane’s semen on his fingers, taken from his own ass. Hell, they were gross. How could he thought Ryan would be anything but curious and willing to experiment with this?

The human’s tongue tested at his new found teeth, playfully dancing around as he caressed the sharp of each back teeth and his fangs. Shane bit him a little, Ryan’s blood so sweet, it made him want to mark him all over as his, nobody else’s.

He had been born without a mark, without another human to find, out of Them and Lu’s bet. His soul and heart belonged to no one but himself, and he had decided to open himself to Shane, even after knowing he was the monster under his bed, that shadow he always feared, what he claimed to hate.

But Ryan was amazing like that, had made him like even more being human, have this life to add to his eternity of constant faces, lost names and whispers made against skin and tears. He’ll go one day, but Shane was starting to consider the offer of eternity, of telling him they could be together on the other side, if only he would go down with him.

He couldn’t do that to Ryan, though. He belonged to the Paradise, he deserved that peace and beauty.

“Humm…” Ryan exclaimed, opening his eyes slowly. “Not bad at all.” He licked the bit and Shane shivered, wanting to take him again.

Looking at him in the eyes, Shane remember the colors of these and sighed, waiting for whatever Ryan had to say but nothing came. Instead, he was met with a smile.

“You have the coolest eyes.” He said so low, Shane chuckle and shook his head. Ryan laughed with him, “Shouldn’t you have horns or something?”

“I do, I have them—it’s just—“ Shane sighed. “It’s a punishment, they hurt when they come in. I’ve had them for so long, I can hide them and it takes off some of the weight, it doesn’t hurt as much…”

“Punishment.” Ryan repeated, his nose wrinkling.” So you—you were… You did something?” He asked, Shane only nodded. “Uhm, and you, where you something else? Human?”

“No.” He crossed his arms, slowly going back to his human appearance. “I was an angel once, most of us were.”

He seemed to analyze this, hands going to Shane’s shoulders before kissing him again, sitting on his lap. Shane rounded him with his arms, smiling in the kiss as he made soothing circles over Ryan’s soulmate mark.

Shane knew that mark. It was the most confusing thing in the world. He knew those wings and that halo.

“It’s a broken halo.” Ryan said against his lips. “Isn’t it? And wings.”

Shane swallowed. “It’s not what you think.”

Silence, then Ryan’s inquisitive eyes on his face. “It’s not?”

They seemed his, yes. But this couldn’t be—it made no sense. Them must have found another way to punish him and make fun of him, or maybe it had been Lu. There was something wrong about it, and it was him.

“I—“ Ryan swallowed, getting away from him. “I grow up without a mark, I didn’t have one. And suddenly, one appears… and little after, you are right in front of me, all the time.” He signaled the mark, face pleading. “You said you weren’t—you said your powers—“

“Presence.”

“or whatever—weren’t fully on you while growing up until you came to California, so—“ Ryan swallowed, he was doing that thing he often did while scared or nervous—talking, so fast he didn’t understand himself, so fast he didn’t had filter. “So It must be you, it has to be you.”

“Has to?” His voice sounded louder than he wanted, he had to control himself and avoid getting to his full stature with his posture. This wasn’t about dominance or power.

“What other explanation do you have?”

“Ryan—“

He closed his mouth, extra teeth and fangs disappearing, then licked his lips before talking.

“You don’t know how shit is on the other side. It’s no fucking fairy tale.” He crossed his arms over his chest, muscles already normal on his human body again. “The marks mean shit, kid. It was a fucking won mark to know where the two parts of the same ball of energy went.”

Ryan’s eyes opened big, Shane’s back felt hot as he kept talking, unable to stop.

“And then it became a sport to us, all of us—we just wanted to see, like a movie! You humans get attached so easily when someone is able to understand your tragedies for five seconds, we did bets on if something will last or not, if the bond would remind—It means nothing, Ryan!”

It—it didn’t feel good, to tell all this to Ryan. He looked down, lost in thought and then stood, leaving him alone in bed. He started to pick up his clothes, Shane sighed knowing he had ruined the strange stage of loving mood Ryan had stated that morning between them. There will came only chaos.

“Ry, listen… I’m sorry I was harsh, but—“ The man looked at him with one of those sharp stares of him of the rare moments where he really got pissed off at him.

He kept gathering his thinks, dressing faster than Shane has ever seen him and the demon sighed, standing to finish this discussion the best he could. Humans were so sensitive sometimes, he had forgot what touch and care is, he—he had been, uhm. Not good.

“Lis—“

“It does to me.” Ryan said, looking at him without hesitation. “It means something to me and to a lot of people.” He added. “So you can stay with your other life bullshit, I don’t care. You are an asshole.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “For what? For telling you the truth? I could get in trouble for telling you this!”

“I hope you do!”

At that, he stood there, watching Ryan take the rest of his things and leave the room. He didn’t follow, didn’t have to know he was fishing for his keys and then out the apartment as fast as he had dressed.

Shane swallowed, looking at the ceiling, wondering if Them was having a laugh. Wondering if tomorrow he would wake up still here and with a chance, or back down with lost time on him.

* * *

**2017, London**

At first, Shane was some weird dude that sat in front of him.

Okay, he was cute. Handsome even. He had a nice beard and that—Ryan liked hairy man, sue him.

He was also the whitest dude on Earth with his odd behavior and random ass comments, and maybe it was that strange charm that made Ryan want to be near him as much as possible. Plus, he didn’t have a mark like him.

The way they have become friends, Ryan wasn’t sure of it—it had felt so normal, like if they had known each other for years. In the oddest things, they were alike. Same obsessions and same opinions on bullshit nobody else cared about, they fit like two pieces of a puzzle, and maybe that was what made Ryan fall for him.

Because he never thought the new mark on his body had anything to do with the older man.

“And I don’t care about it.” Ryan sighed after reminding Shane about his mark. “I grow up without one, I can live with one and not care—I _chose_. That simple.”

“Well said.” Shane winked at him, he looked so good against the light of the pub, melancholic live music in the background, their crew’s laughs at their table as they sat together in the bar. “You know, a lot of humans put too much time into those things.” He sighed, liking his lips before looking at Ryan. “We are just like that.”

Ryan snorted, Shane’s weirdness as charming as ever.

If Ryan were bolder, he would had kissed him already. He has been having this urge to do so for a long time, even back then when he was trying his best to ignore it and to pretend all these feelings didn’t boil inside him the same it had when he looked at his ex-girlfriend, and then some more.

He wanted Shane, even knowing—even after being 87.8% sure he wasn’t human.

“Demonio encantador.” Ryan murmured, Shane looked at him in the face, he looked at his lips and Ryan smiled, knowing he wasn’t the only one who wanted.

“You know I don’t talk Spanish.” Shane said, probably a lie, but Ryan nodded. “What did you said?”

“Nothing important, just that you are so weird.” He sighed, taking a sip of his drink. “You aren’t human.”

Shane snorted at that, Ryan wondered if he had noticed that he had rank six beers already and he was completely unaffected by it. It made him think of the first weird shit he had noticed on him, his lack of limit with food and strange eating habits.

He usually dismissed stuff saying he hadn’t eaten before, that whatever weird stuff he was putting on his mouth was just out of curiosity, or that they used to eat it like this before. Ryan had researched one of those before, it was a century ago in some part of Oceania.

 Food had brought him to accept to many things in his life, from his multiple cultures to a damn supernatural being he had—well, fallen for. Ryan thought it was kinda expected after a lifetime convincing himself that he had been blessed to choose and love freely, truly freely, when he had presented with no mark.

Ryan had one now, a strange circle and wings making an X over it.

“I heard something similar to demon!” Shane said, Ryan smiled at him and made a decision, another one all by himself and because he wanted to. “Did you called me a demon again, Ry?”

“You know it, Big Guy.” He answered, leaving his beer in the nightstand as Shane laughed in front of him.

His fingers brushed the small hair in the back of Shane’s neck, pulling at him from it down his level. The man force for a few seconds, probably unsure of how to react. If he was gonna be rejected, these were the seconds that counted—the memory that once he touched Shane like he has wanted to for a long time.

But, thank God, he wasn’t rejected.

So he chose Shane, from all people and everyone else he has loved before. He wanted Shane more than he had wanted anyone and if he was capable of accepting the almost sure fact that this in front of him was something else than an attractive weirdo, then he could take anything to come, included being left behind.

All his life he was prepared to take the wheel and the possibility of being alone. So this chance, it was his, and Ryan took it.

They kissed softly like learning again, that innocence of a first time tasting sweet and of beer here in London. And Ryan wanted more, wanted to feel that untamed power Shane seemed to display when they were out in darker places, where Ryan should feel his soul leave his body but Shane maintained him there with a laugh and an authoritative tone filled with promise.

Whatever else Shane was, he was the one he loved.

* * *

**2018**

Ryan was a good oddity of the Human Realm.

The truth was, the truth—the guy was cute. Beautiful, actually. Shane has walked among humans for such a long time, not allowing himself to admit the beauty of some of the people he has seen is just caprice at this point. And Ryan, man, he was _gorgeous_.

Shane smiled at him from across their sitting positions at the BuzzFeed office.

The man barely looked at him, may be wondering why he kept his eyes on him for so long and with what intentions. Shane realized there was warmness to him and his curiosity, and fear—they blend together, made part of his shine what it is. Interesting combination.

“Do you need anything?” Ryan asked after a while, half day without talking and just going around other people, doing as they were told.

He had been friendly during their first meeting, have offered to show him around, go for lunch. And at some point in the morning, as Shane kept observing him like an animal looking at its pray, he had lost all that friendly approach.  Shane smiled at that, liking him even more.

“You are cute.” He answered, going back to whatever he was supposed to be editing now.

The man didn’t move, it just took Shane a small peek to see the red creeping on Ryan’s cheeks as he scratched awkwardly the back of his neck. Shane chuckled.

“I—thank you, I don’t—I don’t—“

“Don’t sweat it, man.”

He’s had so many lives now, complimenting and toying with humans seemed like nothing. Ryan was interesting enough already, Shane smiled at him again when the man looked up and offered one of his own.

It could be fun. It could be so sweet.

Ryan had no mark of his own, unlike most humans around them. He’s nobodies and oh, if the prospect wasn’t delicious in itself. So, when they started to hang out together and became friends, Shane was surprised to find out the man had gotten a mark just recently.

Them must be getting senile.

It didn’t change the way he saw Ryan. He had become his friend, the first in such a long time, nothing would ever touch him. Protecting this man and his curiosity became his personal mission, and many times he forgot he could break him in half if he wanted, he could erase his memories with just the wave of his hand—Ryan had a strange power over him, making him forget and Shane couldn’t deny it was starting to feel like all the other times, those where he ended up missing a soul that didn’t belong to him.

He couldn’t do that to himself, to Ryan. Accepting the real reason he was so fixated on the human meant more pain and he had enough with the scars on his back and the weight of his broken halo. Maybe that was why he had reacted the way he did this morning, yelling at Ryan for stating the now obvious.

Their conversation on LINE was open, Shane didn’t get an answer to the three messages and five calls he left o Ryan’s phone. Perhaps it was for the best, things to end between them—Ryan was already too involved, and every time he had have a human know who he truly was and know of his affairs on Earth, it had never ended well.

_Shane?_

He has had many names through the centuries, some he didn’t even recall. It didn’t matter much to him nowadays, even when once he had clinged to the name Them had given him; like a piece of wood at open sea, he had hold onto it for dear life until, slowly, he let go.

 _Shane!_ a voice called in a strange echo, like under water.

Down in the salt, you get used to the cold and darkness. Just like his eye when he opened them—he was no longer in the room he slept that he identified as his, his conversation with Ryan still felt like that heavy rock that is gonna cost him a life time of explanations to move. But he wasn’t home, he was, he was—

“Oh, fuck me.” He murmured, standing in nothing. “Seriously? Now?”

“You fucked up.” Came another voice, one he knew perfectly. “You’ve been a pain in the ass lately, as the kids say.”

Lu was coming to him; Shane couldn’t see him but he could feel him. So, when the demon appeared in front of his face, Them at his side, he wasn’t surprised but ready to throw a fist. He could feel his body already changing, anger growing with each little step the two beings took together.

“Your halo is showing.” Them said to what Lu and Shane answered at the same time with, “Horns.”

Them smiled, that warm presence that characterized them filling Shane with anxiety. “You are angry. I can see that.”

“Why am I here?” Shane questioned, if the voice called him before were—

“It _is_ Ryan.” Them answered his internal turmoil, his body tensed, full teeth showing as the transformation was now complete. “I made a mistake.”

The admission made him frown, Them was never good at admitted when they were wrong and it could only be a trap, a way to make him do or say whatever these two needed. If they had come together, handsome looking demon and gorgeous celestial, genderless, being… whatever he has done must have big consequences.

 _Shane?_ The voice became insistent, potent in its plea, clearer. It was Ryan.

His frown deepened, Them was looking at him again and advanced towards him. Shane knew better than to move. Them may be love and grace, calm nowadays, tired even, but they were still—The All Might.

“Did you know about this?” They asked, Shane moved his head back, trying to understand. “You didn’t.” He looked at Lu, who was only sighing.

“You were right.” They said at the same time Lu was saying, “I told you so.”

“El,” the use of that pet name made Shane walk a few steps back, he hadn’t heard it in a long time. “You knew his mark, right? And you said nothing.”

Oh. Shane blinked.

“It’s not his fault, I had no idea—“He swallowed, since when he was so eager to explain himself to them, especially Them. Lu walked towards them while Them reminded silent, giving him time and space to finish. “I just saw it a few months back, I didn’t know. I was just as confused, I swear!”

“I’m not confused.” Them said, Lu put a hand over his shoulder and Them nodded towards them.

The demon stepped in, Shane relaxed a little at the sight. Talking to his boss would be easier. “Kid, demons don’t have soulmates.”

For some reason, the reminder moved something in his chest, like a punch of fire. Unwelcomed.

“I know.”

“You didn’t tell anyone either, if we hadn’t stepped in, you would had been punished.” Lu lowered his eyes to look at him even when Shane was taller, “Even worse that what is happening now.” He always managed to make him feel small. “Why did you keep that to yourself?”

If he said the truth, he could get in more trouble, put Ryan in danger. He opted for the answer closer to it, “I’m not sure. I just… like that human, you know? Like anyone else does.”

“No one bonds their soul to a human, man!” Lu said, exasperation sounding raw in his voice. He was tired. “Look, it doesn’t matter—you are coming back with me, your human identity doesn’t exist anymore.”

He looked down, noticed he could see his reflection where he was standing. Them was just a few steps ahead, moving his head to the side while looking at Shane, like wondering. He sighed and nodded.

This meant they had erased all traces of him in the Human Real, included Ryan’s memories. Their months together had gone, lost for nothing.

“It’s not your fault, El.” Them said walking, the echo of his pristine shoes a distraction Shane welcomed. “And he will not be hurt.” They assured him. “Do you want to know what happened?”

“Leave him alone, Goodie.” Lu said, his big hand slapping friendly on Shane’s shoulders.

He looked up at the Creator. “Who did this? Why?”

Them didn’t seem faced, they never did. They moved his head again, eyes so kind and so much like honey, the curls on his head so beautiful.

“One of my soul angels had a thought.” They started, sighing, a very human thing to do coming from the mirror that reflected an ideal lost many wars ago. “If my creations can love, all of them, and each love is different, can a soul bound with a fallen one?”

They made a tsk sound with their tongue, in kinda looked cute. “Well, they were right. It breaks all rules and changes things, but…” Their hands went behind their back, another human gesture of nervousness. “I allowed that. I was irresponsible and didn’t realize.”

“So it wasn’t real?” Shane murmured.

“I’m sorry.” Them and Lu said at the same time.

Lu’s hand on Them’s shoulder went down, Shane could see in the reflection on the ground that it hand landed on Them’s lower back, probably ready to guide them back to where they had come.

“Come back home, kid.” Lu said softly, sounding like a father. Funny to think this was the same beast slowly eating history’s biggest traitors. “He’ll be alright.”

Which was true, probably for the best, too.

Ryan was no one’s, the appearance of the mark had been tainted by some crusty angel’s morbid curiosity. Not the first time one of them had done something of the likes, Them was reminding this to Lu as they walked into the nothingness, commenting of the movements to bring the angel to Lu.

Shane followed without another word, knowing he won’t hear Ryan’s voice again, that there was nothing he could do. Like many other times, just as many as Them had sent an angel or two to Lu. And as Them keep saying details about the exchange, Shane started to feel the weight of his broken halo on his head.

“For how long?” He heard Lu ask about the angel’s punishment. “The Guf can’t just… recycle them?”

Them looked up, light making them vanish slowly. “No.” They said, monotone as always. “They did wrong, Lucifer, and to teach them better is what you are here for.” They said, frown deep in their face. “I can’t just… keep sending babies, have you seen how humans are lately?”

His head was throbbing, Shane wanted to interrupt and said something for he could swear he was still listening to Ryan’s voice. He could see it, the scene at Shane’s old apartment, empty because it was still being build. Ryan standing there, calling for him.

“How long…?” He murmured, Them stopped walking and looked up. “What’s up, Goodie?”

“Something is happening.”

By the time he noticed Them was looking at him, his halo was bleeding were it met his head. They looked confused, almost frustrated, as they always looked when something didn’t go their way or when any of them managed to surprise them.

Lu was the one to talk, “He remembers you.”

“You said—“He started, but Them talked first.

“I know what I said, El. He remembers you anyway.” Them walked over to Shane, hand up to his chest. “And you are feeling his pain, why…” Their eyes opened wide. “Humans are so unpredictable.”

“Sounds like you.” Lu sighed. “Let it go.”

“But—that changes things.” Them said, light coming from their fingers to Shane’s chest.

“It always does. Let him go.”

Them looked at him, his face framed by pain and compassion. “It’s going to hurt, you know? He’s gonna grow old and go to a different place.”

“What…?”

 _I didn’t mean that!_ Ryan’s voice said, Lu and Them looked up. _Please come back…_

“We’ll figure it out, I guess.” Lu said.

_I, I love you!_

Shane’s eyes opened wide in spite the light.

“We always do, dear.” Them added.

* * *

**2014, Los Angeles**

Of all fears Ryan had, this sensation of not being yourself was the biggest.

He felt it first when he was a kid and stopped speaking Japanese to his mother and Spanish to his grandmother. When he was a teenager and lied about his father’s heritage and said his last name had nothing to do with being anything but his father’s son—and once again when he entered a frat, following a boy, just to then lie about his feelings for said guy.

The pain it brought, the shame—he had decided to never again do this. And so, when he first started to feel like this at the beginning of the month, he wondered what, what was he denying now?

In his head, there was a man—sandy brown hair a mess, devilish smile, so many freckles and moles, the sensation that he knew perfectly how to map those marks and follow them to soft pink lips, to eyes that never look away.

Ryan has never had a man of his dreams, a mark to call home another person, and yet—

The same song in his head keep sounding every day. He would murmur it from time to time, had already search for it and save it on his phone. He could see himself cuddle to that man, their hands playing with each other’s fingers, the strange but good difference of the size of their hands.

_We're starting over_

He didn’t have a name for him. Every time he would call him, something will cut his voice, space blank. He remembers ‘big guy’ and ‘bonestilts’, and—fangs. But he didn’t feel fear. Plenty of teeth, an invisible tail? Old places, full of dust—

_“It’s okay, sweetheart, there’s nothing in here.”_

Work kept on being the same. He was learning, meeting so many people—and the empty seat in front of him was as odd as it had been a month ago. Someone was missing, Ryan thought of that as he walked aimlessly and when he stopped, a new scene surged on his head.

_“You gotta be fucking kidding me!” He yelled, wet but laughing as the rain poured angry around him and someone else. “Bye pool day!”_

_“That’s fine, we got some good movies in there.” The man answered, his handsome face smiling from ear to ear._

_“Hey, you can’t change, like—the weather or something?”_

_“Listen to yourself!” The man laughed. “Who do you think I am? Storm?!”_

Ryan frowned back to reality, soft rain making him shiver. _He’s a demon, he was a demon_ —a, a demon. But Ryan wasn’t scared, his heart ached with longing, looking up at the still in the works building he was standing in front of.

Sighing, he passed the stop sign and looked around at the slightly alone street and no security of the place. In his mind, he knew it was dangerous to go upstairs of a half build place, but he couldn’t help it. He followed each step as if he knew them by heart, stopping at what would be soon an apartment.

No door, just laughs of two people, one of them him, running inside between kisses and ridiculous jokes he knew nobody else understood.

_I fill in the shadows and block out the, I block out the light…_

The song went on, Ryan illuminated the place with his phone and another moment displayed in front of him. Of him, shamelessly naked walking to a couch were a living room would stand, laying on that same man’s back, who immediately made a discontent sound with a big smile on his face.

 _“It’s cold.” He said in there_ , Ryan walked towards that place in reality.

_“Yeah? I can, like—breathe fire and stuff in my other form. Wanna see?”_

_“You are a fucking asshole, you know that, right?”_

_“Yeah.” He laughed_ , Ryan stood there where the couch would be. _“Does it hurt, though?”_

 _“Nope.” Ryan answered, his hand going to his side_ and something in Ryan back in reality break—a mark, he had a mark on his side.

He looked at himself, removing clothes to one side to see where there was nothing. In his memory of something that never happened, he had a mark there. Wings and a circle, a broken circle—it hurt sometimes, when he was with this man. Like people said marks hurt while with their destined one, when none knew they had already found each other.

Ryan’s heart dropped. He would never have that. Why his brain kept putting those images on his head?

_“I need to ask you something.” Ryan murmured in the memory, the man looked back slightly at him, but hummed. Ryan said his name, he knew he did. No sound came with his lips moving._

_“Yeah, I’m listening.”_

_Ryan sighed, he tensed—he was worried. The man closed his eyes. “What’s wrong, Ry?”_

_“It’s silly…”_

_“You always say that.” He sounded full of fondness. “Nothing you want to tell me is silly, you idiot. What is it?”_

_Ryan sighed,_ he walked to the wall in the present. _“What’s gonna happen when—when I die? You said your body grows like a human being, but—“_

_“You waste your time thinking of that?” He almost sounded angry, the way Ryan was seeing it now, he could see it like a movie—the guy, demon, whatever, looked as if regretting using those words. “I mean, well… nothing, Ryan.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“You have to find out, I’m not gonna tell you. I told you before, I’m not telling you anything about the other worlds. That’s for you to find out, I’m not gonna take that from you.”_

_“I’m asking about is, you dumbass.” He said, irritation so clear in his voice. “What do you think we are doing here, uh?”_

_“Fucking?” He smiled._

_“Well, yeah, but—I really care about you.”_

_“I care about you, too.” He moved, Ryan let him turn around, getting himself comfortable over the man’s body, hands on his chest, both were stark naked and it looked—so intimate. Ryan couldn’t remember having this kind of intimacy with anyone. “Don’t think about that. You have a loooong time ahead of you, and there are things that will happen no matter what.”_

_“That doesn’t help…”_

_“You are assuming is a bad thing.” He smiled. “It will be fine.”_

_“How do you know? How do I know you are telling the truth? You are a demon, for what I know, you could be just—lying to me so I’ll shut up.”_

_“Oh, I could shut you up in many other ways.” He chuckled, Ryan smiled bright at him._

His heart hurt, it hurt like fucking hell—like it did when he saw his ex on her prom dress, or when he kisses that asshole in college. He could feel it, exactly how he had or will feel it in this—this scenario, this fantasy he had created for some reason.

_“I don’t know the future, Ryan.” He said, caressing his face and hair. “There’s only two who do and I’m pretty sure they are not telling anyone, so—why don’t you enjoy what is happening now?”_

_“I do enjoy it.”_

Ryan dropped his hand with his phone, darkness surrounding him as he felt tears going down his face once again.

He had gone with a doctor when he couldn’t stop crying daily, he had suggested to visit a psychologist. _Sounds like depression, or grief to me—have you lost someone recently?_

 _No_ , he had answered. But…

_“I love—“ Ryan swallowed. “I love being with you, you know, Sh—“_

Rain fell down. He was in love with that man.

“Shane?” He said out loud to nothing.

The image disappeared slowly on his head, giving place to the night and the rain softly falling. Even for LA, it was cold that night and he—Ryan looked up, then around, searching.

“Shane!” He called. That was his name, he remembered now. “Shane…”

It all came back, Shane looking at him from the place in front of him at BuzzFeed, saying he was cute. Going for lunch, to Disneyland, talking about Chicago and the languages Ryan had lost, Unsolved— _Unsolved_.

“Shane?”

Every trip, and every session of strange talks that seemed to bother the man, knowing what he was—not caring about it as they talked marks and not having one, the different kind of rejection both had suffered for it.

_“I hope you get in trouble!”_

“I didn’t mean that!” He yelled, desperate for something to change. He could see it, getting dressed with his heart on his lungs, tears gathering in his eyes as they did now. “Please, come back…” Ryan sobbed, the place where his mark had been burning on his skin. “I, I love you!”

Air went through his slightly wet hair, hard enough to pull down his hoodie and he looked up, a tall figure walked slowly towards him and he breathed heavily.

“You love me?” The man in front of him suddenly said, confused as fuck. “What? Why?”

Ryan’s eyes opened wide, and he couldn’t help but smile. “Shane!”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, sounding half amused and half worried.

But Ryan didn’t care, he ran to hug him, almost lifting him from the ground. Shane stood there, too surprised and confused to do anything else, and Ryan didn’t care. He smiled at him with his arms around his middle, another kind of tears going down his face.

“You came back…”

Shane looked around, frown on his face. “Looks like it, I—I’m not really sure what’s going on…”

“I don’t care.” Ryan shook his head. He took a deep breath, and said, without taking his eyes off Shane’s. “I love you.”

“Ryan—“

“Don’t you dare tell me I can’t or some angsty immortal bullshit.” He warned. “I love you.”

Finally, Shane’s arms went around him, hugging him tight to his oddly always warm body. Ryan closed his eyes, that burning sensation on his side no longer pain—just warmness.

* * *

**2018, Los Angeles**

“You okay?”

“I swear to fucking God, you ask me that again, I’m murdering you!”

Shane laughed as he often did, a vein popping on Ryan’s forehead. Why did he Ryan loved him? Maybe he was a masochist, but Shane wasn’t complaining. He moved his tail high, knowing Ryan couldn’t see it and smirked once again when the man opened his mouth wide, a loud moan leaving him with his head thrown back.

“I doubt Them would like you doing that shit.”

“Oh, fuck!” Ryan moaned, letting his body fall on the bed with his legs opened and hanging in the air as something his eyes couldn’t catch entered him with insistent movements. “Don’t stop, I’ll kill you if you do it!”

Laughing again, Shane leaned over Ryan, kissing his jaw and going down his neck to his chest to keep making red and purple marks on his skin. His soul mate mark had appeared once again when everything went back to normal, both waking up in Ryan’s apartment, back in 2017 as if nothing had happened.

Five minutes in limbo had been almost two months for Ryan, sometimes he talked about it like a won war that had left consequences in him. sometimes he just cursed the time, going back to kiss Shane and fuck him on the couch.

Today was just a fun day, as Shane liked to call them. Being lazy and looking normal, doing what normal people did on free days.

“What are you doing?” Ryan asked in panic when Shane moved over him, his tail leaving his body. “No, no, what are you—“

“I’m fucking you, shut up now.”

This man drove him crazy.

Shane has had many lovers through the years, many he still remembered with some sort of tenderness. But Ryan, mouthy and needy Ryan—Shane smiled down at him, using one hand to line his cock on Ryan’s used entrance. He just drove him crazy.

Moving his tail again, he wrapped it around Ryan’s aching member and the man yelled his name, nails digging on his back and going down his skin, leaving angry red marks that will soon disappear as he kept entering him until he bottomed out, looking at Ryan’s almost painful expressions.

This man really did like pain.

“Fuck…” Shane moaned as he fucked right into Ryan again, closing his eyes as these changed from human to normal, making Ryan smile for he knew he was making Shane lose his cool and all he had to do was lay down and moan.

He had such strange power over him with just existing, experiment or not, fuck that angel—this was real, whatever he had with Ryan, it was damn real.

“Fuck, you are so big!” Ryan moaned, moving from hugging Shane’s hips to hold his legs up his chest to give him better access and first seat to that sight.

“Goddammit…”

Shane took his legs, putting them together and as far as he could over his chest. Ryan moaned louder, arms on the pillow, head thrown back as he kept the cacophony of ‘ah, ah, ahs’ every time Shane thrusted into him.

He made sure to keep a rhythm that drove Ryan crazy with his pounding and his strokes on his dick, eyes wide open, not wanting to lose any second of the show as Ryan kept moaning and begging for more, eyes closed with tears appearing from time to time.

It was such pleasure, to give Ryan everything he wanted and letting him take whatever from him. He was such a lover, Shane hoped he knew that—that he was one of the best, if not the best, lays he has ever had in years, or maybe since forever.

Glory was supposed to be found in Heaven, mortal’s comfort in front of the imminent death. But hey, he supposed he should bless Them for allowing this—he had Ryan now, he had him in life, he didn’t need to go to Heaven and have a clean soul to give. Ryan was The glory, he was that damn promise of light and holiness.

“Shit!” Ryan slapped his thigh a couple of times, calling Shane’s attention. When he looked down, he saw him trying to move, so he left his body and let him take the position he wanted.

The man was gorgeous, moving like this to get on four, looking back at him while waiting.

Shane smiled at him, knowing all the scars on his body were showing, his nails black, showing the place where his wings used to be, the teeth—and boy, if Ryan loved the damn fucking teeth and the tail he couldn’t see unless Shane wanted. And he wanted now, Ryan moaned when he saw the black tail moving between his legs.

“You are so gorgeous, baby.” Shane murmured against his skin, kissing from the dimples on his lower back up his shoulder blades and shoulders. “So beautiful…”

“Shane—“

“Are you gonna come for me?” He asked, taking Ryan’s cheeks in his hands, separating them to look at his reddened hole. “Mm? Are you gonna scream my name, sweetheart? Are you gonna come knowing a demon is filling you up with his seed? Marking you?”

Ryan shivered visibly, Shane smiled before he let his tongue cup Ryan’s entrance, tail stroking his cock painfully slow, making Ryan cry in pleasure. His tongue was longer than a human’s, he knew Ryan could feel it and if his words had left the desired effect, he would be coming a second time by now.

He’ll do anything for this human. Shane opened his eyes, lapping at Ryan’s entrance without caring about his own erection. His nails went up Ryan’s back, marking his red, marking him his, until his fingers found the mark given by that angel, left by Them on Lu’s favor.

It didn’t hurt anymore; Ryan had told him. and Shane knew it didn’t because—because—

“Fuck, Shane—“ He moaned against the pillow he had been biting until now. “Just fuck me, please. I wanna come with your dick—please, please, please—“

Shane curled his tongue inside Ryan, the man actually screamed at the sensation, arching his back and losing force on his legs. The demon maintained him pinned on the mattress, ass down, upper half up.

To get inside him again felt better than last time, it always felt. Ryan had once told him it was like having his first time every time Shane entered him for how big he was, and Ryan never ceased to be this thigh and this fucking good—warm, so delicious and beautiful. He was probably just feeding his ego, but fuck, if it didn’t work him up as Ryan wanted.

He fucked him hard now, thrusts a bit slower but deeper. Ryan’s dick rutted against the sheets, his tail went up to his mouth, and Ryan kept his tongue busy with it, softly biting from time to time as his name filled Shane’s room with each moan and damn—he could feel himself close.

“Come on, my angel, come on…”

“Ohff, fuck, fffuck—“ Ryan moaned, his walls squeezing Shane inside him. “Fuck me, pleaseeee, harder—“

Shane opened his eyes, not sure of when he had closed them. He saw Ryan’s back filled with his kisses and nails, his mark so visibly at his side, the way he was drooling on his pillow and how he arched his back deliriously when he came—yelling his name, begging for more even when he was overwhelmed by pleasure.

“Shit!” Shane groaned in pleasure, coming inside Ryan at the same time everything on his vanity and night stands fell to the ground as if something had hit it out the way, to the walls.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He loved this human, isn’t it? He was truly in love with him.

He laid down at Ryan’s side, the man looked at him with his arms cuddle on his chest, a small smile on his lips, no words coming from him. He sometimes ended up like this, words fucked out of his tongue, Shane smiled at him, swallowing the truth he tried to avoid for so long.

Ryan was born without mark

He shone bright in happiness and bravery, was able to see what others couldn’t, put everything of him in all things he loved. And maybe it was just his selfishness talking but, fuck—he was a unique human being, a genuine one, proven over and over again.

“Are you okay?” Shane asked, voice hoarse. Ryan only nodded. “Fuck, sweetheart.” He moved, kissing Ryan’s chin, then his nose and finally his lips. It was such a sweet kiss, it was hard to think he would kiss like this when his eyes presented a void all humans feared. “You are amazing, I…”

Ryan looked at him with pink cheeks, he was smiling wide, like knowing. “Yeah?”

“I…” The organ on his chest was beating fast, things of having a human body—it beat faster, feeling heavy. Words, how could it be so fucking difficult. “I love you, too.”

The man bit his bottom lip, smiling big and happy. “Yeah?” He said again, this time just bright.

Shane nodded.

The man moved slightly, arm going around Shane and the demon smiled, putting his forehead against Ryan’s, his human falling sleeping while he caressed his body and soothed him into it.

He couldn’t help but smile wider, arms hugging Ryan tightly, sighing in contentment.

“Yeah.” Shane exclaimed, feeling Ryan round him as tight. He kissed his head and sighed. “I really love you.”

Ryan had a mark now, a broken halo with wings making an x over it. It was Shane’s mark, their souls bonding in spite of the oddities and whatever shit other beings may be doing—

“I love you.” Ryan murmured against the skin of his chest.

Ryan was his as he was Ryan’s. They didn’t need anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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